Application for Friend

This application is for the position of Friend of Crystal Brown. Should your application not be accepted, Crystal Brown reserves the right to post any and all information on her blog and ridicule it mercilessly. Your application will not be held and a new application must be filed for any other Friend positions that might open in the future. Crystal Brown is not an equal opportunity friend and does make decisions based on race, gender, religious orientation and sexual identity. Accordingly, all Gay Friends but fill out the appropriate Gay Friend application. Crystal Brown is an At Will friend and friendship can be terminated by either parties at any time.

Name___________________________________________________________________
(last) (first) (middle)

Nickname: (note: if you do not have a nickname, one will be provided for you)_____________________

Address:________________________________________________________________
(street address) (state) (zip)

Contact Numbers: (home) ________-________-___________

(cell) ________-________-_____________

General Friend Information:

Have you ever been convicted of a felony?:  ___Yes ___ No  ___I Don’t Remember
If so, what was the conviction?: 
___ Public Drunkeness
 ___Drug Posession
 ___Prostitution
 ___I was framed!

Have you or any of your family members ever been friends of Crystal Brown before?:
___ Yes  ___No  ___I don’t remember  ___I don’t have any family  ___Who’s Crystal Brown? ___ I’ve never had a friend before  ___I killed my family  ___and then I ate them.

Previous Friend Experience
How many friends have you had in the past 5 years?__________________________

How many friends have you kept?________________________________________

How many friends have you cut and why?__________________________________

How many friends have cut you and why?__________________________________

How much money do you make?_________________________________________

How much money have you spent/ are you willing to spend on your friends?____________________________________________________________

Please list your fiend skills and abilities:____________________________________

____________________________________________________________________


Personality Questionnaire:
Please choose the option or options that most closely resembles yourself
My favorite actor is:  __Tom Cruise  ___Robert Downey Jr.  ___Seth Rogan ___Vince Vaughn

My favorite actor to make fun of is:  ___Tom Cruise  ___Christian Bale  ___Toby MacGuire  ___Keanu Reeves ___Sean Connery

My favorite movie is:  ___Scary Movie  ___National Lampoon  ___Saw  ___Hot Fuzz ___Napoleon Dynamite  ___Barbarella

When I’m alone I:  ___read books  ___crochet doilies  ___look at porn
 ___obsessively clean myself  ___cut myself  ___drink a lot  ___sleep in

When I’m with my friends I:  ___drink a lot  ___talk about people behind their backs 
___get really bossy  ___am a buzz kill  ___make people laugh  ___am a drama queen 
___can’t take a joke  ___tend to cry  ___am passively aggressive 
___know everything in the world

My sense of humor is:  ___Sarcastic  ___Demeaning  ___Absurd  ___Slap stick 
___not remotely funny  ___Ghetto  ___Ironic  ___Dry  ___Dead

I dislike people who:  ___Talk politics  ___Talk sports  ___Talk about themselves 
___over react  ___are easily surprised  ___hate surprises  ___hate animals 
___are too serious  ___are never serious  ___love soy  ___wear Birkenstocks 
___interrupt  ___drive recklessly ___are opinionated  ___stare

I like people who:  ___make me laugh  ___give me hugs  ___give me money 
___help me diet  ___watch American Idol  ___make me food  ___are clean
 ___are very emotional  ___are very intelligent  ___are not too intelligent 
___are never sick  ___scare easily  ___let me touch them.

Thank you for filling out the Crystal Brown friend application. Please include with your application verification of your citizenship, three references, a list of all current prescription medication, urine sample, current headshots, physical measurements, blood sample, most recent pay stub, medical history for the past 5 years, and a $25 processing fee.