The Pink Screen of Disaster

There are a lot of malfunction screens that I have seen in my time. There is the blue screen of death most associated with Windows, especially Windows 98.




There are the snowy screens and black screens announcing a lack of signal. There is the screen that has multi colored bars signaling that a station is off the air.



But yesterday, I got a new one – the pink screen. It wasn’t just any pink, it was hot pink. At first I thought it was a tribute to Breast Cancer Awareness. But then I thought, “Why would ABC have a symbolic tribute instead of showing the Euro 2008 final?” That’s right, I didn’t see a second of the championship game! All I saw was a pink screen for 2 hours!! For the last hour of coverage it showed the following:

Very helpful. Now I know watching soccer is not big here in America (though playing it seems to be on the rise among kids). But this was the perfect opportunity to showcase good teams for Americans to see. The only competition was the Women’s US Open golf tournament, some men’s golf tournament that the casual golf fan would not care about, and PBA bowling. Yesterday was the day to broadcast a soccer game, and they blew it. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know what the Pink Screen of Disaster (as I am calling it) came up, but it did. And I don’t know the extent of the malfunction, whether it was just DISH network, or just East Tennessee, or all of America, but I missed the game and I was pissed. And trying to put a soothing pink color on the screen did not help me from seeing red.



PS – if you haven’t seen it, or even if you have, here’s the infamous video of Bill Gates experiencing the “Blue Screen of Death”

The completely empty lifestyle...

"Meaningless! Meaningless! says the Teacher. Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless."

I'm starting to see why people like Paris Hilton are useless...and stupid...

I think the stupid actually may stem from the useless. I, for example, am very useless right now. The only things that are required of me in the average day is laundry, some light cleaning, and walking the dog. The end.

I'm not quite sure how it works yet but somehow this lack of required action or duty somehow leads into being the most boring person I know. For example, yesterday Ben's dad called to see how things were going, I had absolutely nothing to say to him. We talked for maybe 5 minutes, he actually asked me what we were having for supper (that's how desperate the situation became!) Later that evening my dad called Ben, they talked for probably 20 minutes!

Seriously, the only conversation I'm capable of having at this point revolves around "What Not To Wear" and "Jon and Kate Plus Eight". Every Friday I am becoming more and more frustrated with trying to come up with something witty and interesting to say on this blog.

Because I am not required to take part in the day to day community that is American society, my brain is slowly leaking out any and all facts, ideas, or knowledge that links me to the rest of human kind.

To be honest, it makes me angry. I already did this whole unemployed with nothing to do for one year of my life and I DID go completely insane. Why should I have to do this again. I am bored, lethargic, frustrated. I feel useless and disconnected. I don't even feel like a good partner for my husband. Who wants to come home to a clingy woman with nothing interesting to say?

Even having a crappy job is better than no job at all. Getting a job would be, at this point, not only divine intervention, but mercy on my soul.

"A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment? To the man who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind."

real quick

Todd Jones during last night's rain delay at Comerica Park imitating Ordonez walk-off home run against the A's that sent them to the world series in '06.

10 Reasons I Hate U

Ok, we've all been there at the grocery store, in a hurry because we're late for some function that we volunteered to bring food or beverages to and we hop in for a few last-minute purchases, well-under the 12-items-or-less limit to come to the U-Scan it line. This looks like the quickest solution to your soon-to-be-late demise because you control how slow the service is. These robotic check-out clerks are the wave of the future. They have large-print, easy to read interfaces with pictures so you don't even need to speak English to use them (a huge relief to the people of California). They are also available with a Spanish interface as well. WOW, right? How could something feel so right, yet be so wrong?

I hate you, U-Scan.
Here's why:
10. Alcoholic purchases require a clerk to come over, check your I.D., and scan their pass-card so that you may continue scanning items.
9. Produce purchases require a numerically savvy person to manually enter the correct number on the sticker of your produce. This seems to be quite the challenge for the majority of purchasers who aren't sure if they should be entering the actual 4-digit number or their birth year apparently. Most of the time this still requires the expertise of the stand-in overlord clerk who knows all produce numbers. Oh yeah, and they still have to COUNT your produce for you.
8. The fact that the cash counter in the robot is too stupid to count paper money before you insert your coins. You have this hundred-thousand dollar piece of crap robot and it can't even count money without separating it?
7. Adherence to the 12-items-or-less standard seems to be more like a 12-item-minimum than a maximum. Screw you, mothers who breach the limit!
6. Why is it that only half of the units seem to work at one time? The idea for this technology was to speed up purchases, why aren't you running more units at a time? You like angry customers?
5. Moms. Moms invariably have at least as many coupons to scan as they have items. Are you kidding? Coupons in the U-scan? That's like driving a Festiva in the left-hand lane on the expressway.
4. Have you ever been in the U-Scan and the bar code won't read? You run the item across the scanner from 100 different angles and...nothing. People behind you in line are getting antsy. "Why is this guy taking so long? Is he some sort of idiot who can't scan?" You then have to get assistance from the clerk, who never knows the price and they have to do a price-check. A price-check! "Can I get a price on Dr. Scholl's gel inserts?"
3. The scale. You put your item in the bag, but it's too light for the scale to read and it keeps asking you to put your item in the bag. Are you kidding? Or then there's the kids who keep touching the scale and it looks like you're stealing. Nice.
2. Or then there are the times that you are out shopping late and you need to get a large number of items and you HAVE bottle returns and coupons, but the only way out is through the U-Scan, because the real cashiers are on break. Now you have to scan 70 items through the U-Scan or wait the 30 minutes for the cashier to get back from lunch.
1. Old People. There should be a disclaimer on all digital screens that people over the age of 50 may do or say something stupid to this machine. Most of the time they are in denial about their loss of near-vision and they can't read the prompts on the screen because they can't step back far enough to see it and still reach it. They move slowly to begin with, as with almost any other act in life that requires speed of motion, old people invariably slow down every other process including U-scans. Also, they always seem to be the majority of people who have too many items, alcohol, and coupons. I stood in line today while I watched one dude with 20 items and 5 bottles of wine. He couldn't see the screen. He was so fat that bending over to reach his items in his cart was like watching a weight lifting competition. I watched as 17 people went through the lines around him. 17? And that was with two of the scanners not working.

another week living the dream

The Euro 2008 quarterfinals were amazing.

Portugal were overrun by Germany and yet still had a chance to equalize at the end. Scolari really pissed me off with his subs. Simao had to have been one of the disappointments of the entire tournament. Just a waste.

For the Croatia/Turkey game, I wasn’t surprised. I gave up after the first extra period. It was painful to watch. I figured Turkey would win on penalties. Two goals in two minutes was shocking though. I have heard comments that Turkey are this year's Greece. Well we'll see v Germany. Between suspensions and injuries, they'll barely have a team. Ff they win on wed, they will beat whoever they play in the final. A Croatia v Germany rematch would have been quite interesting but you don't mess with destiny.

Holland v Russia showed what a team can do against individuals. Holland fell apart in the second half and were lucky to even be in the game. Arshavin has to be one of the most influential players since Zidane. He makes Russia world class and can single handedly unbalance defenses. Spain didn’t face him the first time around and I feel that Russia will knock out Spain.

The Spain v Italy game went exactly like it was supposed to. Italy defended and Spain couldn't break them down. The only surprise was that Spain held their nerve in the PK's. I would still like that two hours of my life back, but Spain v Russia, partII should be very interesting.

I watched a little bit of The Office, Season 3 this weekend. Uncomfortably funny as usual. The merger plot line is rich in humor and the show made the most of it. How great is Dwight? Tool does not even begin to describe him. I love the dry, sarcastic humor of the background characters. And don’t forget Pretzel Day. I don’t even have that to look forward to.

I find it interesting that my disparaging comments re: Dunkin Donuts raised the ire of the some readers out there. I’m not dissing Dunkin because I work for a competitor. I just hated that commercial. I also find it interesting that since then, Crystal and Brandon have become fans of Dunkin on Facebook.

Speaking of Facebook, the more I explore, the more I realize how much time I could waste on that site. Between chatting, reviewing other people’s profiles, uploading pics, creating bumper stickers and taking the never ending movie challenge, I would have to quit my job and get divorced. I want my page to be DYNAMIC!!! What a loser I am.

Blast From the Past

While cleaning and packing up my belongings for our big move, I stumbled across the following picture:



Now for most of you it is meaningless. However, I believe the picture holds a special significance to a few of the regular contributors here at “The Cultural Taproom.” It is a picture of Wolverine Christian Service Camp Sr. High week. I don’t recall the year, but I am guessing 1991 or 1992. Can you spot Tom, Brandon, Austin, or yours truly in the picture? If you need a little help here are some high school photos of Tom and Brandon to help you out:



If you couldn’t do it, click on the picture below where I have highlighted the usual suspects. I hope you enjoyed this episode of “Blast from the Past.” Tune in next week for other treasures from my trash.



PS – Feel free to disseminate said pictures to any and all contacts.

Racing

This blog post will inevitably only serve as a doorway to another blog post that I read recently. But I personally found it entertaining enough that I don't care if I'm not offering any personal commentary this week and acting only as a conduit.

It's always fun to see what kind of mid-inning entertainment acts you will be distracted with when you go to a baseball game. Minor league games have historically done a better job at putting on a good show when the players are switching on and off the field, but I think that's in large part due to the fact that they have a smaller crowd. If they grab someone to do a sing-along or participate in a trivia contest, there's a 1-in-10,000 chance that it will be you, and if you came with some people, probably a 1-in-2,000 chance that it will be someone you know. Even if you're not personally vested in the exercise, you usually have a pretty good view of what's going on from your seat, and don't have to resort to watching the scoreboard.

At major league ballparks that seat 40,000 fans and are about 3 times bigger than a minor league park, these are difficult obstacles to overcome. But they do try. And no phenomenon is more symptomatic of their efforts than the Race. You might think that the cute animated feature on the scoreboard, in which hot dogs or donuts race each other while the fans cheer, is limited only to the baseball stadium that you frequent. But it's not!

Turns out that just about every major league team, and most minor league teams, use some form of Race for mid-inning entertainment. And just for fun, one of my favorite sports blogs, Deadspin, compiled a list of every one of them. If you have time to check it out, you might find the commentary for the New York Yankees (American League) and the Washington Nationals (National League) the most funny to read.

And by the way, I agree with their assessment of the Tigers' race... that friggin donut wins every time and it really pisses me off.

Link: Deadspin Scoreboard Races

I wish they all could be California "girls"...

So today I had to put a couple dollars worth of gas in my car cause it was running on fumes. $25 got me 5.487 gallons of gas, yippee. When I pulled out I found myself driving behind a sporty little red convertible with the license plate "thrlsme". I'm guessing this meant "thrills me". I thought to myself, "Yeah, a sporty little car like that probably would thrill me."

And then I thought, "I can't imagine it thrills the owner since they seem put upon to go faster than 2 feet a minute". Seriously, they couldn't have been going faster than 30 in a 45. And then I realized that the head I could barely see over the back of the car was permed and grey.

There's something to be said for old ladies in California, they really know how to keep up with the times. Little old ladies in the midwest like to keep their 1983 Lincoln towncars in tip top shape instead of trading them in for convertibles of the current year.

There's also something to be said for old ladies in the mid-west. They know better than to try and keep up with the times. I've never seen a little old lady in Michigan trying to pull of the "sundress with no underwear" look like I saw today in the bank. I'm 28 years old and there's no way you'd catch me walking around in public without some form of support. Leave that up to the teenage girls who don't have anything to support yet. Old ladies should stick to moo moo's that cover everything, that way no one can tell if you want to go commando underneath.

Old ladies in California have sun tans.
Skin just doesn't tan the same way when it's that old. It doesn't give off that healthy glow like young tan does, it looks more like......old paper bag tan. It's wrinkled and looks like all the liver spots merged into one that covers them head to toe.

In Michigan, if an old lady opts for a wig, it's an appropriately grey and permed wig. Not long blonde tresses that even the younins have to fake. OCL's (Old California ladies) like to pick colors as far from their natural color as absolutly possible. This helps create the illusion of an aging drag queen.

There's lots of cosmetic surgery going on in California. Mid-west oldies know there's a time for surgery and a time to give up the ghost. You can tell when an old lady has a face lift because her face is the only part of her that's not wrinkled (because she's wearing a backless sundress) and she looks permanently surprised. Old women trying to look young at any cost will eventually end up looking like Dolly Parton.

It's weird having moved out to the primary part of the nation that worships youth. It makes me feel old and like I don't pay enough attention to my looks. I wonder what would happen if I moved out to Florida....I'd be like...a supermodel...or something...

How to be health-conscious, eco-friendly, and trendy to boot!

Everybody knows that water is a necessary element of life.  Our bodies are made of mostly water.  Our cells are filled with the stuff.  It is the core element of all body fluids.  Water is life.  And yet the vast majority of us don't even bother drinking it.  Instead, we are happy to spend day after day dumping gallons of carbonated pancake syrup down our gullets.

Sadly, those who have made the health-conscious decision to keep hydrated are inadvertently contributing to an ever-worsening ecological disaster: our landfills are filling up with empty plastic bottles.  According to the Container Recycling Insitute, a Washington-based non-profit:

Americans buy an estimated 28 billion single-serving (1 liter or less) plastic water bottles each year.  More than eight out of ten end up in a landfill or incinerator.  Hundreds of millions end up as litter on roads and beaches or in streams and other waterways.  Taxpayers pay hundreds of millions of dollars each year in disposal and litter cleanup costs.  That's 845 bottles wasted every second.

Add to that the fact that it's recently been discovered that some polycarbonate bottles can leech toxic substances into their contents, and you have an unfortunate situation which begs for an eco-friendly and non-poisonous solution.

Enter SIGG.  The 100-year-old Swiss company has been making aluminum water bottles since before your grandparents were born.  And they seem to have learned a thing or two about making durable, quality water bottles along the way.  They've only recently made a splash in the states, but what a splash they've made.  In the past two years, they've found their way into the "what's hot" section of just about every major magazine.  Their high quality product, combined with the aforementioned news about poisonous plastic bottles, and a general trend toward eco-friendliness, have combined to create enormous demand for these amazing bottles.  The online sales portion of their website has been shut down, as they have found themselves unable to keep up with demand.  They are adding round-the-clock shifts at their factory in Switzerland just to catch up.  Even so, the company's website states that they won't be caught up until after this summer.

For the time being, their bottles are still available at select brick and mortar retailers such as REI (for a full list and to find a retailer near you, click on the link above), though selection can be spotty.

For Pete's sake, people, for the sake of your bodies, stop drinking that fizzy liquid sugar!  Make the switch to water, the drink of champions!  And while you're at it, do the planet (and yourself) a favor and drink it out of a reusable aluminum bottle.  Your children will thank you.

The Hulk and No Country For Old Men

I have to say that before I review these movies, I didn't believe the hype. I was skeptical to say the least.

When a movie gets such great reviews from so many sources, I am usually hesitant to see it. That is because I generally believe what is being said about it, and I hate to be disappointed. Let me discover how good a movie is. I don't usually want to find out from others, because if they think it's great and it sucks, I get really mad (e. g. the Phantom Menace--I fell asleep).

Let me start with my review of the Hulk. Let me preface what I thought about this movie with what I thought about Ang Lee's version: He wet the bed. He had the technology, but he really made a crappy movie.

This reboot starring Ed Norton was more than good. It was exciting! It left you wanting more. Ang Lee made me want to shut off the television. Has anyone here seen Brokeback Mountain? Pride and Prejudice? What? Yeah. That was Ang Lee too.

The new Hulk movie reminded me more of the comic book. The Hulk was the HULK! He was terrifying. He was humorous. Bruce Banner was believable. Nothing against Eric Bana. I think he's a great actor, but he was cast in a bad roll for him. Ed Norton is a believable scientist. Liv Tyler was great.

What I love about Marvel getting their own movie production company is that they can tie the movies together the way that the comics do. If you haven't seen the movie then that's all I'll say about that. But, if you have seen it, then how it gets tied together at the end didn't just excite me, but it made me yearn for an Avengers movie? Am I wrong for admitting that? Great Movie. Sidenote: My only complaint is that in the TV ads for the movie, they say it is "easily as good as Iron Man". That is a backhanded compliment. The movie stands on its own. It doesn't need Iron Man to prop it up.

No Country For Old Men. Wow. When the game got out of hand between the Lakers and the Celtics I opened up the HD movies menu On Demand and purchased this gem. I was so worried about this movie that I have put it off for a good while. I was worried because again, people liked it before I did. Javier Bardem won an Oscar. Who? I don't care. This man's performance in this movie was startling. He was easily the most engaging "Bad Guy" in a movie since Samuel Jackson in Pulp Fiction. It was one of those performances you never forget. I was afraid of this guy. He was scary.

Tommy Lee Jones was great as an aging Sheriff who had been outpaced by society and crime. He was disappointed that God never came down into his life to do something miraculous to make him satisfied with his life. I thought that was really interesting. What did you think?

Just had to share

I thought it was funny.

i'm thrilled and annoyed

Watching Euro 2008 has been exhilarating. After the first day or two, the tournament has really taken off and has provided riveting drama. If you have not seen the end of Turkey v Czech Republic, do yourself a favor and find it on footytube.com or youtube.com or ESPN360.com. Unbelievable. The quarterfinals start Thursday and the big question is: Can Spain deliver? I’ll be watching for sure.

During the TV coverage of Euro 2008, this ad for Dunkin Donuts has been shown. It has to be one of the worst ads in the history of television. I would embed it in my post if I knew how and it would probably be more dynamic, but here’s the link:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=eGD5mA-mD8Y

What exactly are you trying to convey? So one sip can help your friend move and then you can enjoy a job well done. IT WON’T BE COLD!!!! I’m not knocking because it’s a competitor, because I enjoy Starbucks Frappucinos and Panera IC Chip drinks. I’m knocking because it’s idiotic, incoherent and really, really annoying.

Speaking of annoying things, I have officially ceased to listen to the radio for music. I had been holding out for the Impact 89 FM, but no more. Every time I turn it on, it’s EMO crap or faux rap or just garbage, not Garbage. I will continue to listen to their specialty shows because provide a great range of music and entertainment, but I’m not searching the dial.

Sam’s post was pretty interesting. Lots of technological influences, which I would not have guessed. I’m hoping to have time later this week to come up with my top 5.

I’ll be working on a new poll over the next couple of days. TTFN.

The Art of Influence

So Tim Russert died this weekend. My condolences to the family (since I know they read this blog). I heard that Mr. Russert was among the Time Magazine’s 100 most influential people. So, I checked out this list and it is nice and all, but doesn’t really hit the common man. Now, I am sure he has done quite a bit as have the rest of those on the list, but again, just didn’t ring true to me. So, the following is a list of 5 influential people in my life, in no particular order. You are encouraged to add your own so we can come up with a top 10 or 25 list.

Sergey Brin & Larry Page, co-founders of Google
Google has gone from new and cool website search engine to integral part of the online experience. From Search, to maps, to documents, to email, to more things than I have time to mess with, Google rules the internet. I don’t have the statistics, but I would say that a pretty high percentage of people who go online use some sort of product from the google guys.

Sam Walton, Founder of WalMart
Need a widget? How about a whatcha-ma-whoser? Wal-Mart probably has it and at a price that cannot be beat, even online. Walton went with the model that if you buy a ton of something, even if you only mark it up slightly, the amount you make off a ton far exceeds the large markup you make on selling fewer. And he was right. Walmart continues to swallow up the Mom and Pap shops and is quickly becoming a monopoly that will render useless any other merchandise store. Say what you want against them, they have what you need (everything) when you need it (open 24 hours) at a price that you can afford.

Bill Gates, Software Developer
Microsoft bashing has been in vogue for the last 5 years or so, especially with the rise of the Mac Revolution. Anyone who has used a Windows based machine knows of its many flaws. But let’s be honest – almost all of us grew up and cut our computer teeth on Windows – whether it be 3.1, 98 or ME. And regardless if you switch to Mac or Linux, there will always be a place in your heart for those MS-DOS based programs, for the starfield screensaver, for the flying windows logo, and for the Office based programs. Sure there is plenty wrong with Windows – but 99% of the world still uses it.

Raymond Albert Kroc
You may not recognize his name, but you recognize the golden arches of McDonalds. Kroc was astounded when he saw a restaurant that had 5 milk shake mixers so it didn’t take 3 hours to serve the teens after a football game and was enthralled with the idea of quicker service. So he had a dream of serving as many people as quickly as he could. And this dream became a reality in the McDonalds Restaurants. His model has been copied, modified and tweaked allowing for “good food quickly” to be found on just about every street in the modernized world. Even if you don’t like the McDonalds products (though who couldn’t like the Egg McMuffin is beyond me), you like the convenience of getting some great artery clogging food at all hours of the night or morning or whenever you want.

Steven J. Sasson
Again, you might not recognize the name, but you probably use his product every week. Taken from Wikipedia: Sasson is an electrical engineer and the inventor of the digital camera. His invention began in 1975 with a very broad assignment from his supervisor at Eastman Kodak Company, Gareth A. Lloyd: Could a camera be built using solid state electronics, solid state imagers, an electronic sensor known as a charge coupled device (CCD) that gathers optical information.

Before the digital camera, photography and capturing those precious moments was left to professionals and moms who couldn’t keep their hands steady enough to get a good picture. With the arrival of children I appreciate this invention even more


Well, that's the list. Not comprehensive, but I don't have a bunch of time either. So add your most influential people or add your scathing criticism of my list.

My New Jag!

So living in California has made us sensitive in certain areas. Whereas our mode of transportation in Lansing was pretty middle of the road. Out here in Folsom it's down right pathetic!

So that and the fact that we found a great deal and other circumstances found us with another vehicle...

Yep, a JAG! Surprisingly gas friendly* and at only 14 thousand** it was in our price range. Let's just say I'm loving it, cruising around with the wind in my face, wearing my overly large gem encrusted celebrity shades, it's great!

Of course it's not as sporty as some, I didn't really want sporty, that's just not me. I'm more of a cruising type person than a racing type. When people see me I want them to think, "those are great wheels" not "Let's Race!" I want them to think, there's a girl who's enjoying life, not life in the fast lane per se, just life.

And in the end, it gets me where I want to go***.

So without further ado, here she is...














Of course, mine doesn't have the fancy pink basket on front but it's a jag nonetheless...don't believe me? Here's a closeup...














Yeah! That's what I'm talking about!

However I'm slowly finding all of the downsides to the bicycle sport in California.
1) It's very hilly, way more hilly than Michigan and Illinois, this makes bicycling really really easy and, in turn, really really hard.

2) It's hot. Hot in California means that your sweat is drying faster because there is no humidity. The evaporating sweat makes you think that it's cooler than it really is. And because your sweat is drying faster, you don't realize how much you're actually sweating. This means you're working harder than you should without realizing it until you almost pass out in front of the downtown Curiosity Shop while anonymous concerned citizens offer you water. And then you get home and the air conditioning hits you and you finally realize that your clothes are completely SOAKED in sweat and you've probably never sweated so much in your life because if you did that in the mid-west you'd be covered in mosquitoes.

So yeah, I think the Jag is going to work out for me as long as I take the time to check the weather before heading out, and also drinking about a gallon of water (aka: pre-sweat). Then cover myself in sunblock (waterproof of course), then put on my youth size helmet (adult was too big), and my cool new bike shorts, and check my cell phone for full batteries, and chapstick in my pocket, and make sure I have my water bottle with me and a spare in the basket, and make sure that I also include the bike lock in case I need to stop for more water, and of course keys for the bike lock, and the bike light in case it gets dark while I'm out, and I should really look into a carrier for above the back wheel so I can attach a basket and carry the dog around...

*runs on the cottage cheese in my butt
**pennies
***within 5 miles of home

poll results

i'm sure those of you voting are having a go at me. seriously, mighty ducks and free willy in the top three? i mean emilio estevez comes from great stock and is a fine actor in his own right, but a series of bad luck bears movies that spawned a hockey franchise is not worthy of "favorite movie franchise."

add to that the fact that relatively old series did well. usually the past is thrown out the window and i'm surprised that spider man and x-men didn't do better.

with the euros going on, i'm going to wait on the next poll. hopefully the next poll will be more, how shall we say, more reflective of the readership.

in the dark

Sunday night our power went out. Not that big of a deal. I mean I could have wasted a couple of hours playing FIFA or online poker, but instead I simply sat in the candlelight and contemplated a) how much of my life I waste entertaining myself and b) what life must have been like before electricity. After sunset, what? You could try to do things by candlelight but good luck with that. After this time of reflection, I increased the backlight on my ipod and read until I fell asleep.

Being unplugged Sunday night brought into focus how I’m plugging back into pop culture. I actually knew that Angelina Jolie supposedly had her twins, but that turned out to be a hoax and so the world have to wait for more progeny from Bradgelina or whatever their celebrity couple nickname is. And this is an actual story. I find myself visiting radaronline and entertainment sections of major media outlets more and more frequently. I find myself hungering for gossip and celebrity train wrecks. Got to get this under control. I can only waste so much time.

As always, I’m behind on movies. I finally saw Superbad. Funny, raunchy, homo-erotic on several levels. As I was watching , a nagging thought kept bugging me until I finally realized what it was: this was American Pie, which was something lese before it. Buddy flick about the transition from high school to college and all the angst and awkwardness and turmoil that accompanies it. The dialogue was hilarious and the cops were a riot. McLovin was a great character, while the main characters had a fabulous dynamic and their banter fueled the movie. I was disturbed by the morning after the sleep over. No sleep over I ever attended went anything like that. Tom, back me up on that.

Finally, Euro 2008 started on Saturday. The games have been interesting so far, in that the favorites have not really lived up to their billing, and the hosts have been very unlucky. The goals have not been there, and it comes down to a lack of quality finishing. Several decent attempts have not even tested the goal keeper. The tournament goes marching on and I’m hoping some of the big teams hit the high notes. I’ll be watching Russia v Spain this afternoon after work. Sorry Aleks, I’m pulling for Spain. Maybe Russia will be runner up in the group.

Finally, for real, Born of Frustration by James is playing as I write. If there is a theme song for my life, that is it.

Get Silly

If you don’t know me well, you might not know that I like rap, especially hip-hop. The artistry of the genre can be quite good. Throw in a song that is actually about something of consequence, and I am thoroughly entertained. I think especially of Eminem, 2-Pac, the Fugees, Kanye West, etc. They all have a flow that combines with great beats and hooks to produce some fine music (at least in my estimation).

However, if you have listened to a rap radio station or watched MTV in the last few years, the quality has gone down drastically. The charts are full of talentless wonders who repeat the same wretched catch phrase over and over again, usually explicitly describing sexual acts or using euphemisms. In addition, their songs are full of annoying sounds and chincy loops that resemble noises I hear in my children’s toys. In other words, they suck. They say nothing. They have no value. They just contribute to the stereotypes about rap.

But it seems that these songs are being produced to fill an actual desire on the part of the paying public. That fact is more disturbing. I hear teenage girls singing along, word for word, with these misogynistic lyrics set to awful beats. I hear cars driving up and down the street, booming with lame sounds and noises blaring from their systems. Can our society, especially our youth be so stupid? So banal?

Don’t believe me? See if you can actually sit through the entire video below, and then explain to me what value lies within this song to make it popular. It’s called, “Get Silly”. For me, the whole industry has gotten silly long ago.

So glad...

.... that this is over.



Are you?

Application for Geek...I Mean Friend

The Benjamin Brown Friend Application

Please fill out the form truthfully and completely, any forms that are not complete or found to have false information will be disqualified from this and any further friend opportunities. Benjamin Brown is NOT an equal opportunity friend and does base friendships on knowledge of computers, automobiles, tools, science, and street fighting. Benjamin Brown is at At Will friend and friendship can be terminated by either parties at any time.

Name:__________________________________________________
(last) (first) (middle)

Address:_________________________________________________
(street) (apt. #) (state) (zip)

Contact Information: Home____________________________________
Cell_________________________________________

What type of Friendship are you looking for? ___Full Time ___Part Time __Temporary ___Seasonal ___Co-dependent

How did you hear about Benjamin Brown Friend Opportunities?:
___Through a Friend ___Family Member is Friend of Ben ___Through the Web
___On a billboard ___Through the bum on the corner

True or False:

Putting salt in the back of your car or truck will help keep it from sliding on ice: __T __F
Putting oil in boiling water will help keep the noodles from sticking together: __T __F
a baseball bat absorbs part of the energy of the ball when it hits __T __F
Turning on a fan will help cool the air in the room __T __F
Ice will form faster when you use warm water in the ice trays __T __F
Slickery is not a word and should never be used __T __F
Observative is a word and is ok to use __T __F
Fox has canceled every decent show they ever had __T __F


Personality Questionnaire: please choose the option or options that most closely resemble you.

During an argument I tend to: ___Interrupt ___Become belligerent ___always win
___become condescending ___Listen and explain my point as clearly as possible
___Give up and cry ___manipulate til I get my way ___change my opinion based on others theories ___change the subject

In my garage I have: ___ a lot of junk ___many tools you can borrow ___dead bodies
___35 bags of leaves ___a collection of traffic signs ___a hot house of marijuana

I have skills in: ___computers ___video games ___automobile repair ___basic home repair
___boccie ball ___guitar ___photography ___cycling ___nunchucking ___talking smack
___tennis ___cage fighting ___plumbing ___therapeutic massage


The best Star Wars Movie was : ___A New Hope ___Empire Strikes Back ___Return of the Jedi ___The Phantom Menace ___Attack of the Clones ___Revenge of the Sith

the new X-Files movie is: ___Going to blow us all away ___there's a new one? why? ___the best idea Hollywood ever had ___another bad sequel idea ___finally going to answer all of my burning questions

Every decent town requires: ___A barbecue joint ___A strip joint ___wifi in every restaurant ___a wings joint ___a flea market ___a comic book shop ___bike trails
___lots of sprawl ___an urban development blog ___a Starbucks ___mandatory recycling ___a surplus/ thrift shop ___a Banana Republic ___a Porsche Dealership

My ideal weekend would be: ___spent in a drunken haze ___working on someones roof __fixing a computer ___watching lots of movies ___building a robot ___at Comicon ___camping ___golfing ___at a rabbit show ___knitting a tea cozy ___scrap booking
___hunting and trapping ___playing Settlers ___Paintballing ___Talking about our feelings

Disclaimer: Any and all information provided in this application can and will be used to make other people laugh at you. Benjamin Brown does not claim any responsibility for any offensive or inappropriate material mentioned in this application. Filling out this application does not imply that you are or ever will be a friend of Benjamin Brown. Applications will be held for 60 days, after 60 days we will forget where we put them and or feed them to the dog. Applications that smell like food will be reviewed first, applications with no distinct smell will be reviewed on a first come first serve basis, applications that smell funny in anyway will be given directly to the dog. To review the status of your application please call: 1-800-2363736, ask for Margie, hum the tune from My Two Dads, roll up a 20 dollar bill and stick it through the little holes in the mouth piece, and successfully lick your nose. Then email brownmlis 'at' gmail.com and ask about the status of your application.

Seriously folks, by the time we actually find people we want for friends we'll be so desperate we scare them away.

Whiteout

A while back I wrote a long post about a coming "comic book movie" that most people wouldn't normally associate with a comic book, primarily because there are no costumes or aliens to be found in it. It's called Wanted, and it releases this month, I believe. Even though the movie looks to be a ridiculous departure from the book in both theology and execution, it might still be entertaining. Top Cow Publishing is even planning a new edition of the graphic novel with an Angelina Jolie cover.... oy.

But there's another "comic book movie" coming up that will also likely be far off the radar. It's called Whiteout, and it's based on a four-issue series that came out in 1998. The only big name I recognize on the roster is Kate Beckinsale. Wait, scratch that, I also recognize Tom Skerritt, but that's because I watched Cheers religiously in high school... you may remember him as Evan Drake, the rich guy that Kirstie Alley's character was desperate to get with. ANYHOW... Whiteout is a murder-mystery set in Antartica, that takes place just days before the continent is plunged into darkness for six moths. This lends the whole mystery a bit of urgency. It's one of those "oldie but goodie" independent comic books that has continued to sell well in graphic novel form for the last ten years.

If you're a Christian who doesn't mind it, or even enjoys it, when the secular world takes potshots at religion, you'll love this: a new documentary from Bill Maher and Larry Charles called Religulous. The linked post tells a lot more about it, but it sure looks a lot like a Michael Moore project - under the guise of being a "revealing tell-all", it's almost guaranteed to piss off a huge segment of the population, and will surely result in various boycotts and pulpit-pounding across the nation. Sometimes the future is just all too predictable. Even more fun is the website they launched to promote the movie, disbelief.net. You can spend hours surfing just in the "Blasphemy Box" section.

Now for a crash course of my own personal opinions on all manner of cultural things that I have experienced in the last couple of weeks:

the Crystal Skull was only so-so, 3rd best of the movies, perhaps last. There were a few parts that "belonged" in an Indiana Jones movie, and too many that didn't.

Looking forward to the new Coldplay album in about a week and a half... they've been my favorite band for about two years now, and based on the tracks I've heard so far, it doesn't look like they're going to be displaced!

Taco Bell's new $1-and-under menu is awesome.

Based on my tiny sample size of comic-book readers, Obama over McCain in the fall.

I have to face facts: the Tigers are going to struggle just to finish as a break-even team this year.

Exciting news in Lansing with the announcement of a Hollywood-size sound stage being built close to downtown. With the "best in the USA" tax breaks that our legislature passed for the movie-making industry a couple months ago, and several big-budget projects already committed to shoot here since that legislature was signed by Granholm, it looks like Michigan just might have found a way to supplement the sagging auto industry.

Wish Kendrick Perkins had played more like this against the Pistons.

Boston Legal is absolutely my TV crack right now... I'm going through the box sets really fast.

Trying to pick out a good Christian-theory book to "teach" in our church in July... any good suggestions?

Hiatus

Well, I'm back from my writing haitus. I didn't go anywhere, I just didn't write anything. At all. For two weeks. It was great.

But I am back and ready for more cultural brew and spew.

Tonight I heard one of the most amazing come-to-Jesus testimonies in my entire life. It is the story of an Indian Hindu priest-in-training who became a Christian in a miraculous way and is now running an orphanage in India. It is a long story, but the short of it is that Jesus appeared to him personally in his conversion.

Now thousands of people are being introduced to Christ in the upper castes of the Hindu world. Hundreds of children are being cared for and being sent to college. He is doing a great work in a needy part of the world. His story is fantastic.

There is a part of me that doesn't want to believe him. There is a part of me that says that the HS doesn't work that way anymore. I know I am wrong but my mind is having a hard time getting around it.

I believe it in my heart but not in my head, or is it the other way around? This is confusing.

That aside, I just watched the Red Wings win another Stanley Cup. Henrik Zetterberg (who I met at a bar and is remarkably short for an athlete of his --- stature) is the MVP.

The Pistons fired Flip and are threatening more major moves. The question I have about that is, have any inexperienced, first-year coaches who have backgrounds as players ever won an NBA title? Michael Curry really your first choice to replace Flip Saunders? Really? I'm starting to lose my faith in Joe. I should have gotten the hint when he drafted Darko. We forgave him for that, but he hasn't won a title since. What would this crew have done with Carmello Anthony backed up by Tayshaun Prince? Hmmm...


Flip Saunders will have no problem finding a job. The problem with Joe's timing (again) is that there isn't anyone better than Flip on the market. There aren't really many good coaches at this level.
During the season Mark Cuban said he'd hire him in a heartbeat.
And when we look at the rest of the roster, Joe is going to mix that up too. There isn't a better point-guard available than Chauncey Billups. Don't get me wrong. There are a couple of better point guards, but they are so valuable that nobody would part with them. I think you have to look at your areas of weakness. For the second straight year Tayshaun Prince disappeared in the playoffs. And so did Rasheed Wallace. Wallace has one more year on his 13 million dollar contract and that would fetch a good catch on a good inside man like, hmmmm.. I don't know... Jermaine O'Neal or Shaun Jefferson? Rip is also at risk. With Rodney Stuckey playing so well off the point Rip's value drops.

The Tigers have gone from bad with hope to awful and no hope. This team is just terrible.

Dan has been posting songs on his Myspace page and I'm pretty proud of him. They are good!

Technabob, Project Red Light and Euro 2008

I came across an interesting website this week: http://www.technabob.com/blog/. Technabob has all sorts of interesting articles on fringe technology. My favorite entry so far is the platform shoes with functional GameBoys in the heels. http://technabob.com/blog/2008/06/02/shoes-embedded-with-working-nintendo-gameboys/
Also check out the functioning NES joystick/coffee table.

Watching Two and a Half Men last night, (yes I watched it, I didn’t feel great about it, but I didn’t have any new Battlestar Galactica to watch and didn’t want to commit to an entire movie; plus it is kinda funny, especially between Sheen and Cryer, but the boy is getting mighty annoying), I saw a commercial for, get ready, America’s Greatest Dog. Seriously. Is that the state of TV in general and reality TV in particular that an American Idol ripoff show for canines is the next step? Yikes.

On Radaronline, they had a worst movie pitch contest—Project Red Light. This is what my dreams are made of. High points for creativity in story ideas and casting. Read these and think that as ridiculous as these are, this is how movies are made. http://radaronline.com/features/2008/03/project_redlight_harvey_weinstein_finalists_winner_01.php

Euro 2008 starts on Saturday so I have been busily arranging my MS Outlook calendar, trying to figure out when I can watch the games. I want to watch as many live as I can, but between my family, work, and soccer commitments, it’s going to be tough. Thank God for Tivo/DVR. ABC/ESPN have really stepped up to the plate for this, both in quantity and quality of coverage. Not only do I not have to shell out $200 for a PPV package, but I also don’t have to watch the games on mute. Well except those Tommy Smyth is doing. Ugh. My dream would probably be a Portugal/Spain final or maybe a France/Spain final. I really want Spain to do well, and shake the choking dog label. They have a great side and play some sexy football. We shall see.
I’m looking for poll question ideas for upcoming weeks, so let me know if you have something. Hopefully the rain lets up and we play soccer tonight. Otherwise I’ll be hitting the bottle (of Gatorade) pretty hard. Ta Ta.

Coming to America

Last week, I finally purchased plane tickets to come to the US in July. As I'm flying Polish Airlines, I wouldn't be surprised to find pedals at every seat, requiring passengers to do their share in saving money on fuel by manually pushing the engine.

I'm looking forward to having to drive everywhere and paying $4 a gallon for gasoline in the beautiful state of Michigan. When I was in the US after Christmas, the gas prices hit $3.20 and even that seemed a bit expensive. And just to think when I first arrived to the US 11 years ago, a gallon of gas cost pathetic 99 cents.

Gas prices are crawling upwards in Europe as well, don't get me wrong. However, here, a car is still a luxury. It's harder, but it is possible to get around without a vehicle using a system of public transportation. Sweaty bodies of folks hanging like sardines in buses is something everyone must experience.

As a classic once said, "When times get tough, the tough hide under the table." Apparently, automakers are pushing ahead with fuel-efficient hybrid vehicles in the US, the number of sales of everyone's favorite SUVs hit a new low. It's bound to change lifestyle of Americans for the better and help fight everyone's figment of imagination called the global warming.

High gas prices force to become efficient with the way they use energy. And one can only welcome that.

And when I decide to move back to the US for good, I'm buying a bike.