I wish they all could be California "girls"...

So today I had to put a couple dollars worth of gas in my car cause it was running on fumes. $25 got me 5.487 gallons of gas, yippee. When I pulled out I found myself driving behind a sporty little red convertible with the license plate "thrlsme". I'm guessing this meant "thrills me". I thought to myself, "Yeah, a sporty little car like that probably would thrill me."

And then I thought, "I can't imagine it thrills the owner since they seem put upon to go faster than 2 feet a minute". Seriously, they couldn't have been going faster than 30 in a 45. And then I realized that the head I could barely see over the back of the car was permed and grey.

There's something to be said for old ladies in California, they really know how to keep up with the times. Little old ladies in the midwest like to keep their 1983 Lincoln towncars in tip top shape instead of trading them in for convertibles of the current year.

There's also something to be said for old ladies in the mid-west. They know better than to try and keep up with the times. I've never seen a little old lady in Michigan trying to pull of the "sundress with no underwear" look like I saw today in the bank. I'm 28 years old and there's no way you'd catch me walking around in public without some form of support. Leave that up to the teenage girls who don't have anything to support yet. Old ladies should stick to moo moo's that cover everything, that way no one can tell if you want to go commando underneath.

Old ladies in California have sun tans.
Skin just doesn't tan the same way when it's that old. It doesn't give off that healthy glow like young tan does, it looks more like......old paper bag tan. It's wrinkled and looks like all the liver spots merged into one that covers them head to toe.

In Michigan, if an old lady opts for a wig, it's an appropriately grey and permed wig. Not long blonde tresses that even the younins have to fake. OCL's (Old California ladies) like to pick colors as far from their natural color as absolutly possible. This helps create the illusion of an aging drag queen.

There's lots of cosmetic surgery going on in California. Mid-west oldies know there's a time for surgery and a time to give up the ghost. You can tell when an old lady has a face lift because her face is the only part of her that's not wrinkled (because she's wearing a backless sundress) and she looks permanently surprised. Old women trying to look young at any cost will eventually end up looking like Dolly Parton.

It's weird having moved out to the primary part of the nation that worships youth. It makes me feel old and like I don't pay enough attention to my looks. I wonder what would happen if I moved out to Florida....I'd be like...a supermodel...or something...