I'm Still Counting This As Friday

I'm working on a new theory.

Scientifically, it would be a really bad theory because I don't have the correct format for a hypothesis. But maybe my 8th grade science teacher was just too picky. Let's see if I can make this work.

Basically, the gist is: "If it is incorrect to disdain God for certain characteristics we have projected onto Him or misunderstood, is it then also incorrect to worship God under those same misguided pretenses?"

I've heard it said that we despise most in other people what we see in ourselves. So whenever I find myself despising certain things about people I often wonder if I'm doing the same thing or something close to it.

So in college when I saw people who seemed to be worshiping for the express purpose of getting their warm fuzzies, I wondered if it was possible my worship were also not up to par. I decided that I see one extreme from the "warm fuzzy" populace, but I often see another extreme in my own. Sometimes I worship quite literally. Worship is to bring before God an act that implies his worthiness. Sometimes I'm all about the act. I am so focused on giving God a song or a prayer because He is worthy that I simply leave out the heart and soul of it. I set my feelings completely aside.

To a point, it works, I'm focused. I'm not so caught up in a melody that I don't even know what I'm saying. I used to refuse to sing "Lord I Lift Your Name on High" because I can't stand the song, and high school youth group made up hand motions for EVERY SONG and I just couldn't take it anymore. However, at some point I decided that I was going to sing every song in worship because it's not about what I like and dislike. And it is silly to think that we can only reflect on Gods worthiness by doing something we like and that makes us feel good.

But I think it is detrimental to keep your heart and soul from getting involved. I'm not allowing the full experience, one can never give to God without receiving back in return. So I can understand when people get emotionally involved in the song they feel like they are worshiping "more" and going away blessed because of it.

This leads me to wonder, what about God are people worshiping exactly? What characteristic of God makes people want to stand up and sing? I have to think each person, through experiences and learning, chose those characteristics that appeal to them, that they feel God is worthy of praise for. I feel like each persons experience with God which leads them to worship can be so completely different from the next persons that it must be near impossible for our vision of God to be anything alike.

And more so, how are we all worshiping in unity if we are all worshiping a separate characteristic of God? Can we really be unified if someone is worshiping God's mercy while another is worshiping Gods wrath and justice, even while singing the same song?

Is it really fair to God that we pick and choose what about Him we want to worship? I know how futile it is to even mention "fairness" in God's relationship with humankind. Up until this point, nothing has been fair. We pick only our favorite characteristics to worship Him for but He told Job that He is worthy no matter what happens or what He does or does not do. My brain is about to have a seizure trying to comprehend that, I can't imagine trying to embrace it with my heart!

I have trouble giving God any decent worship when I feel my prayers are going unanswered, that's all, just a little unanswered (as of yet) prayer and I can't hardly focus on God's worthiness. Can I imagine trying to do the same after losing my family, my wealth, my friends, all of my belongings, and my health? My brain is too small to even begin to understand the depth of Gods worth even when He has gone against us.

We want God to play by our rules, we want our Jesus in a little white box so we can take him out and (kiss kiss kiss) and share him with a friend. When, in reality, God's worthiness is so far beyond our understanding that there are times I sing and say in my mind, "God, You are so worthy that I have no idea why or how much or what for" and I can't imagine that my act of response to that worthiness is even a drop in the bucket.

Again, I've heard it said that people only use 10% of their brains power. I often wonder if God is saving the rest for Christs return, because it will take the whole of our mental capacities to comprehend the worthiness of God.

"Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."