Kayaking and the Art of Marriage Maintenance...

Time for some explanations. So, I'm in the process of trying to find something uber professional to wear not only to an interview on Tuesday but also out to dinner with my interviewers Monday night. So the one semi professional outfit I own just isn't going to cut it. I spent all Friday combing through all the decent shops in Folsom for a suit that isn't made of wool (since it's averaging 98 around here) and wasn't made for a 50 year old lady. Oh, that also it has to be cheap. This takes a lot of time and energy and when I finally got home (after finding a $80 suit at 75% off) I just didn't feel like typing the preceeding blog which I've had in my head since last Sunday. Sorry for pushing your update into oblivioun Austin.

Anywho, Kayaking and the Art of Marriage Maintenance:

Last Sunday was our 6th anniversary. We decided to try something new (and cheap) to celebrate. We went kayaking on the American River/Lake Natoma/Negro Bar area which is very near to our place. Neither one of us has ever kayaked before but we're not afraid of water or getting wet and it's not like there is rapids or even fast moving water anywhere near where we were playing at kayaking.

We, being the highly intellegent people we are, decided to kayak upriver first so that the end of the trip would be easier and we would know about when we needed to turn around and head back. I was in front, Ben was behind and our goal at this point was to get to the part of the river that flows past Folsom Prison. You can tell where this happens because there is a sign saying something to the affect that you cannot go any further without perhaps being shot dead by a prison guard.

It was really a perfect day to be out on the lake, sunny, a little bit hot, but that's what you want if you are going to be getting wet anyway. We figured things out pretty quickly but there was lots of zigzagging around the lake and a little knocking paddles together as we rowed out of sync.

There are large boulders sticking out of the middle of the river. Coming back we were having a tough time going straight to get around this particularly large boulder. We kept going sideways straight towards the boulder. Finally we realized this was happening because I was trying to go one way around the boulder while he was fighting to go the other way.

And although we started out looking silly, bumping paddles together, excessive splashing, and zigzagging around the lake, by the end we had such a good rhythm going that other kayakers said we looked like professionals.

And about that time it struck me that a particular metaphor was making itself very obvious. Married life can be a lot like kayaking. In so saying, if you're not going down the same path you're going to turn sideways and smash up against a huge boulder. If you're not watching what you're doing, you might bean your partner in the head with a paddle. You have to work extra hard going up stream, but it makes you enjoy the down stream that much more. And if you go past the sign, someone might shoot you in the head. Well, that last part might be a stretch to fit the metaphor but you know what I mean.

We both understood that neither one of us had kayaked before, this made us a lot more understanding when it took a little longer to get from one point to the next and we made the extra effort to communicate and work together. It's funny to me that we don't think of this more in our day to day lives. Have either of us been married before? Why do I expect him to know what he's doing? Or he me? Why do we assume we're on the same page when we haven't talked it through? Why do we get so mad when the other does not meet our expectations, we're in this together aren't we? And why don't we expect to enjoy ourselves and our time together every day instead of on special occasions?

Not that I believe Ben and I have serious problems. For the most part I do believe we enjoy spending time together, work well together and if not we work it out together. I can count the serious arguements we've had on one hand. And I believe even in those arguements we have both tried to be respectful and truly listen. It's something I'm pretty proud of.

I think part of getting by is seeing each moment for what it is. This is a time to work hard, this is a time to sit down and communiate, this is a time to focus on what's ahead, this is a time to sit back and relax. this is a time to power through. We waste so much of what's happening now or shold be happening now dredging up what happened back there or what if things had happened differently. We lose perspective on what we're doing and where we're trying to get to.

I think everyone should try kayaking once, and see what it has to teach about life in general to those who are willing to listen and learn. We're going to do it again and soon... But more because it's fun than for life lessons.