"Olympics: It's Late and I'm Tired"

I'm having a hard time coming up with a catchy title to my post this week. If you're reading this you know what the title is but as I'm writing this I'm still throwing ideas around in my head.

"Olympic Spirit"...unoriginal
"Olympics: The Big Fail"...hmmm
"Olympics: Oh the Humanity!"...That ones pretty good.

I used to love the Olympics just like every good American is taught to by the Olympic Sponsors and their emotionally manipulative marketing. On a side note, "I've got soul but I'm not a soldier" Nike ads, are they Olympic themed or are they protesting the war in Iraq? Maybe they can recycle them when the new Iraq government declares war on the US for refusing to pull out.

"Olympics: We're Not Naked Anymore"...No?

Anywho, as a young girl I liked the gymnastics, of course. And in the winter I liked the figure skating, of course. It all seemed so innocent back in the day. You rooted for the US and you sang along to the Star Spangled Banner whenever someone won a gold and you felt good to be an American and that's about it. Nowadays, somewhere between the steroids and the human rights violations and the tests to see if women really are women, something feels very wrong with the Olympics.

"Olympics: 90% Losers"...seems acurate
"Olympics: Like a Trainwreck"...too much imagery

And I really mean it, Olympics to me are kinda like a trainwreck. You don't want to watch, but you can't look away. Part of that is the early childhood training. You MUST watch! It is unamerican not to watch the Olympics! You are a terrorist if you don't watch! Russia will nuke us if you look away!

But to be completely honest, I don't want to watch. Because with every race, every game, every competition, there is only one winner, and a crap load of losers. And it's not enough that you get to go to China to lose, you get to lose in front of the entire world. Yeah for you! Take this for example, for every perfect performance there are hundreds more imperfect performances, and for every imperfect performance there are a hundred cameras to catch it and broadcast it to the world so that one day your grandchildren can see you fall on your butt on Youtube.

"Olympics: Trying Is What's Important"

The thing is I feel bad for everyone who has to endure that kind of scrutiny. I know they worked there whole lives to get to the Olympics, I know that they have endured countless failures that have allowed them to get this far and become some of the best in the world. But what do you get? In the end, unless you leave with a little metal medallion around your neck, you get to go home and watch replays of that time you landed on your head. I just don't like it. As much as I want to share in the victories, I don't want to be part of the gawkers and onlookers and critics when I know well and good that their talents, even when they fail, are far beyond my small ability to bike 4 blocks without throwing up.

I want there to be a little private room for athletes to go in when they mess up and in that room is blanket in which they wrap their entire head and face so they can scream and pretend like that didn't just happen. Just like the blanket I have at home. It's blue and has sheep on it.

And yes, I know the Olympics are full of moments that every American can be proud of. Michael Phelps has yet to disappoint. But for even that I feel bad for him. Americans don't look at him the way they looked at him in Athens. Then, he was an American striving for a goal. Now he's the hero who must maintain the status quo at all costs. Then, we Americans were hugely proud of him just for qualifying for so many events and cheering wildly that he did so well. Now, we Americans would be down right ashamed of him should he dare bring home a *gasp* Silver! I'm not saying I want to see Michael Phelps fail, but maybe in our attitudes and our scrutiny, we fail our athletes.

Supposing Michael Phelps did bring home a silver. Would it really matter anymore that he has more olympic hardware than anyone at anytime? Or would that silver be the one issue that reporter after reporter, interviewer after interviewer, journalist after journalist just had to rub in his face. How many times would he be asked if he felt disappointed in his silver? And how many times do you think he would hear about how proud his country is of him?

So yes, I hate watching the Olympics. As much as my heart yearns to share in the victory of moments like this, or as much as I appreciate the compassion and integrity that goes into moments like this, it is hard when so much of it is tainted by things like this, and it's hard when I have to wade through the scandals and all the rest of the bull crap. And then there's the almost constant accidents and failures by hard working athletes. I just can't endure the heartbreak.

So farewell Olympics. I shall miss your tiny gymnasts and strangly proportioned female weight lifters. I will miss your overly dramatic opening ceremonies, and your rare but poiniant victories by sheer human integrity. I will have to catch those magic moments in 30 second spots on Youtube.