Let's Talk About Sports Baby!

Today I'm going to tell you all about sports. Yes.
The girl who does not watch sports and tends to look down her nose about sports is going to tell you everything there is to know about sports, because I'm very smart and know everything about everything. Deal with it.

Golf
I have decided in my infinite wisdom that golf is the best of all professional sports for several reasons. To be honest, it's not all that difficult to be the best of all professional sports when you look at how pathetic other professional sports really are. Steroids, contracts, cheating, dog fights. Golf has several exemplary qualities that other sports could learn from. Such as 1) it doesn't require men to tackle each other or touch each other in any way 2) Men cannot blame each other for poor performance 3) the amount of money one incurs in based soley on how well you play not how much you can squeeze out of a contract 4) no cheerleaders 5) very little marketing 6) people have actually heard of the LPGA 7) rarely is there ever newsworthy scandelous behavoir of golfers on or off the course.
Not that any of these things are going to make me watch golf or pick up the sport for myself (I even suck at Wii golf) but at least it's a sport with a fair amount of respectability as compared to other sports littered with whiney idiot athletes and unbelievable prices (tickets and souveniers).
You could almost say the same thing about bowling...almost. Except that bowling superstars seem to be of a different, and dare I say lower, elk that that of the gentleman golfers.
Let me also take into account the unfathomable wealth of some golfers, especially Tiger Woods. To this I say, "Hey, he earned it.. by himself. First he had to be good enough to win by himself, and by winning he earned the marketing contracts that bought him all that cool stuff. So that to me is fair". I also don't believe anyone should be as rich as God while there is still hunger in this world but I don't hear Tiger Woods complaining about not making enough millions in his contract to feed his family.

Baseball
This may just be enough to make me start watching baseball, at least watching Marlins games on Tivo so I can fastforward through most of it and watch the Sea Cows perform. The team is currently holding tryouts for their all male (all fat) dance squad to perform during games. Sea cows are not normally known for their grace but the dance team will be judged on their ability in choreographed dance routines. Ironically, to advertise for fat men is funny but to advertise for fat women is demeaning (and somehow only letting skinny women dance isn't?).
No, the Marlins are not the first to try something like this, as the article says the Matadors have been entertaining Chicago Bulls fans for several years now. It's a funny idea, but is it funny for every team in every sport to do it? I guess men don't ever get sick of the cheerleaders, if that tells you anything.

Dance, Fatman, dance your silly dance for all the people, dance so we can point at you and laugh.