Blaine is Lame

In the early 1990s a unique and intriguing figure came upon the scene. At first he just had a few underground videos out. Then he met up with Leonardo DeCaprio and he got a television special. What was his gimmick? He did street magic – but some crazy stuff. Things that would blow your mind and leave your head reeling. I am speaking, of course, of David Blaine. His street magic was unparalleled by anything I had ever seen. His card tricks, coin tricks, made me want to be a magician (Sorry for the use of the word “tricks.” As Gob from Arrested Development would say, “They’re not tricks. They’re illusions.”). And let’s not forget the levitation. I don’t know how he did it. I don’t know if it was real. But it sure looked like his whole body lifted a few inches off the ground. All those things were enough for me to overlook his complete lack of personality or stage presence. I was a fan.

When I heard that David Blaine was coming out with a big, televised illusion, I thought, “This could be good.” After all, if it was as brain warping as his other stuff, how bad could it be? Then I found out what it would be – buried alive. I asked, “Is he going to be getting out of a straight jacket or “transporting” and ending up somewhere else when they finally dig him up?” Nope. He’s just going to be in a box for a few days. So I wondered, “Where’s the magic?” Is it difficult? Sure. Would I /Could I do it? Probably not. But I ask again, “Where’s the magic? What’s the illusion?”

From that point David Blaine has come out with more and more “illusions” they have become lamer and lamer. His latest one a few weeks ago, the “Dive of Death”, involved him hanging upside down without a safety net for 60 hours and eventually he would “jump down” safely. In actuality he did not hang upside down and he came down occasionally for medical check ups and food. The following, taken from Wikipedia describes the scene that I, regrettably, actually watched:

“When the ‘Dive of Death’ took place, Blaine came down from the platform on a cable, and lightly touched the stage. He was then pulled back up into the air, and, in the words of the New York Daily News, ‘hung in the air like a sack of potatoes with a goofy grin on his face, occasionally kicking his legs as though he were running.’ The plan had been for Blaine to be pulled up into the air by helium balloons and disappear into the atmosphere. Blaine attributed the problem to changes in weather conditions that occurred after the stunt was delayed due to an address by President Bush. The finale was not well-received by spectators.”

Being one of the television spectators, I heartily agree. It was as lame as one could have imagined. Seriously, Gob could have given Blaine a run for his money on to see who is the bigger “no talent ass clown.” I’m done with you David Blaine unless you are willing to return to your roots.

***You can type in Blaine on YouTube and find tons of videos. Here is one of my favorites that he pulls on Emmit Smith when he played for the Dallas Cowboys.