So, unofficially, looks like we'll be moving to Cali. We won't know officially until tuesday. I don't know if I'm allowed to call it Cali yet, nor do I know if I actually want to call it Cali. I think it's a California thing to shorten everything, like governator, brangelina, tomcat. I wonder if we will be Benstal or Cren.
I wonder if everything I've heard about California is true. I wonder if it truly never rains in southern California? I wonder if everyone really should try living in Northern California and leave before it makes us soft? I don't know if I want to live in Beverly Hills and roll like a celebrity. And I've never ever been California dreaming nor do I plan on visiting San Fransisco with flowers in my hair. And why are California cows so much happier? Everything media has ever taught me leads me to believe all Californians do these things.
I also don't own a bikini body and never have. I don't get tan, I'm not blonde, I don't do botox and all of my body parts are the ones God gave me. I'm not liberal, I don't recognize designers by sight nor do I wear designer labels. I don't like tofu or sushi. I can't speak Valley. I'm not up on my reality television, I don't surf or rollerblade, I never show my midrift. I don't smile constantly and I don't care enough about celebrity gossip to actually spread or listen to it. I don't care to experiment with alternate religions. I don't hug trees. I HATE Birkenstocks, crocs, and ugs.
I'm not a fast paced person, I don't need a lot of outside goings on to keep me happy. I don't even like going out that much. And by "out" I mean out to parties etc, but I also mean just outside my house. There are bugs outside and sometimes it's wet. Are there bugs in California? I've never heard anything about them.
There are earthquakes in California. I don't know how to prepare for an earthquake! Do I open windows? Go down to the cellar? Jump up and down? Do I need powdered milk?
And wildfires! Do I need to water my house in case of wildfires? Do I need to collect rain in barrels against drought? Do I need an electric car? What if there's a volcano in the middle of the city! I'm not an aspiring actress or writer! I'm freaking out! I need to calm down! Why did it have to be California! I HATE CALIFORNIA! I'm going to die...
I need a drink.
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2 comments:
OK, first things first: DON'T PANIC. It should be written in bold on the back of your copy of the Hitchhiker's Guide to California.
Let's see if we can address your concerns in a systematic fashion, starting from the top.
OK, no, that will take too long. Let me sum up.
Most of what you've heard about California is not true, but it really depends on where you live. Ben, for instance, was surprised that he didn't see a single palm tree during his visit. I can't say I know much about Folsom, but I can say that, in general, most of the weird things you've heard about this state apply more to Southern California than Northern California, so for the most part you're OK. However, prepare for mindblowing culture shock on your first trip to the southland. I'm talking yappy little dogs with diamond studded collars in Louis Vuitton bags, man. It really is that bad.
Northern California's still pretty down to earth. You are more likely to find liberal hippy scum and pinko commies up here, but they're really alright people for the most part. As hard as this may be to believe, you will love San Francisco. Everybody does. It's hard not to. You'll understand when you've spent the day there. You are not required to wear flowers in your hair, but it helps.
There are NO bugs in California. It's unnatural and weird, but kinda nice at the same time. It's not like Michigan where you're generally unsurprised to find a four foot centipede with a bad attitude in your underwear drawer on any given morning.
Yes, there are earthquakes, but they're generally pretty tame. Remember that this entire state is engineered from the ground up to deal with quakes, so your house can take it for the most part. As long as it's under about five points, you'll probably enjoy it. And it's almost always a small one. The bigger ones are quite rare. And even then, the damage is usually pretty minor. If it's really bad, get under a table or in a doorway, otherwise just ride it out and have fun. Think of it as being on a ride.
I don't think you'll have to worry much about wildfires in Folsom, but then again, I've only seen a small part of it and it was at night, so I could be wrong.
Focus on the positive. You will love the weather. You will love the beach. You will love the mountains. You will have built-in God-fearing friends about a two hour drive away. You'll be alright.
All this, of course, is assuming it even happens, right? You're OK. Just breathe. Long, slow breaths. In through the nose, out through the mouth.
Seriously. Focus your chi, then have a tofu milkshake and I promise you'll feel better.
one of us, one of us, one of us...
Hi Crystal,
I'm a friend of Austin's and used to live in Michigan. I now live in Cupertino, three blocks from Apple HQ.
California is AMAZING.
We have the most incredible friends here. They are fun, smart, very loyal, honest and open. The people are casual, generally accepting (which means you get to be accepting too, which is freeing) and seem to lack that tense midwest panic... It's the panic you're only vaguely aware of in MI but after you've been out for a year, you ask yourself: My God! How did I manage this vibrating, wound-up anxiety inside me for SO LONG?
Earthquakes are actually kind of cool. My first one was in October in the evening. A little rumble and then this incredible solid pULSe of power and then a little quiver. My wife and cats were freaked; I was astounded.
I personally do not like San Francisco. It's dirty, full of vagrants, hard to move around in, difficult to navigate and generally a PITA to visit. I'll take San Diego, Chicago and Manhattan any day over SF. The cool thing is that the south bay area (San Jose) attracts enough culture that you don't have to venture into SF to get "real" art and entertainment. We've seen Dave Matthews Band and Cirque du Soleil without going to The City.
The one thing you didn't mention that you should probably think about is the insane cost of living here. Real estate is ridiculous. We paid $2400/mo for a 2 BR 2 Bath 1200sf apartment and made an offer on a 1200 sf house for $770,000. Milk costs $4.00/gal. Almost that for premium gas.
But there are a lot of talented people here and the lifestyle is very enjoyable. Chances are very good that you will dig it in California.
Dave
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